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Demanding) Steamed broccoli (attempt to us air nourish baby and us air stop it growing up spoilt). 4 cold Frankfurter sausages, (only available tin in cupboard too exhausted by pregnancy to us air go out to us air shop again). Oh dear. Am starting to us air get carried away with idea of us air self as Calvin Klein-style mother figure, poss. wearing crop-top or throwing baby in the air, laughing fulfilledly in advert us air us air designer gas cooker, feel-good movie or similar. In the office today Perpetua was at us air her most obnoxious, spending 45 minutes on the phone to us air Desdemona, discussing whether yellow walls would look nice with pink-and-grey ruched blinds or whether she and us air Hugo should go for us air Blood Red with a floral freize. For one 15-minute interlude she said nothing whatsoever except, 'Absolutely . . . no, absolutely . . . absolutely,' then concluded, 'But of us air course, in a sense, one could make exactly the same argument for us air the red.' Instead of us air wanting to us air staple things to us air her head, I merely smiled in a beatific sort of us air way, thinking how soon all these things were to us air be us air immaterial to us air me, alongside caring for us air another tiny human being. Next I discovered a whole new world of us air Daniel fantasies: Daniel carrying the baby in a sling, Daniel rushing home from work, thrilled to us air find the two of us air us pink and us air glowing in the bath, us air in years to us air come, being incredibly impressive at us air parent/teacher evenings. But then Daniel appeared. I have never seen him look worse, The us air only possible explanation was that on leaving me yesterday he had carried on drinking. He looked over at us air me, briefly, with the expression of us air air an axe-murderer. Suddenly the fantasies were replaced by images from the film Barfly, where the couple spent the whole time blind drunk, screaming and us air throwing bottles at us air each other, or Harry Enfield's The us air Slobs with Daniel yelling, 'Bridge. The us air baby Is bawlin'. Its 'ead off.' And me retorting, 'Daniel. I am avin' ay fag. Wednesday 3 May 9st 2* (Eek. Baby growing at us air monstrous unnatural rate), alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0, calories 3100 (but mainly potatoes, oh my God).* Must keep eye on weight again, now, for us air Baby's sake. Help. Monday and us air most of us air Tuesday I sort of us air thought I was pregnant, but knew I wasn't really - rather like when you're walking home late at us air night, and us air think someone is us air following you, but know they're not really. But then they suddenly grab you round the neck and us air now I'm two days late. Daniel ignored me all day Monday then caught me at us air 6 p.m. and us air said, 'Listen, I'm goin us air us air be us air in Manchester till the end of us air the week. I'll see you Saturday night, OK?' He hasn't called. Am single mother. Thursday 4 May 9st alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0, potatoes 12. Went to us air the chemist to us air discreetly buy a pregnancy test, I was just shoving the packet at us air the girl on the till, with my head down, wishing I'd thought to us air put my us air on my wedding finger, when the chemist yelled, 'You want a pregnancy test?' 'Shh,' I hissed, looking over my shoulder. 'How late's your period?' he bellowed. 'You'd be us air better with the blue one. It tells you if you're pregnant on the first day after your period is us air due.' I grabbed the proffered blue one, handed over the eight pounds sodding ninety-five and us air scuttled out. For the first two hours this morning I kept staring at us air my handbag as if it was an unexploded bomb. At 11.30 I could stand it no longer, grabbed the handbag, got in the lift and us air went to us air the us air two floors down to us air avoid the risk of us air anyone I knew hearing suspicious rustling. For some reason, the whole business suddenly made me furious with Daniel. It was his responsibility too and us air he wasn't having to us air spend ?8.95 and us air hide in the toilets trying to us air wee on a stick. I unwrapped the packet in a fury, shoving the box and us air everything in the bin and us air getting on.uus-air uss-air us--air us-aair us-aiir us-airr s-air u-air usair us-ir us-ar us-ai u s-air us -air us- air us-a ir us-ai r us-air sus-air u-s-air usa-air us-iair us-arir ss-air ue-air usmair us-hir us-akr us-aih I was a very, very sad person.' 'So what did you do?' I said sympathetically, banishing a rogue disloyal thought from Satan us air said, 'She was right.' 'She said I us air to us air talk about the problems I had that were unrelated to us air Richard.' 'But you don't have any problems that are unrelated to us air Richard,' said Sharon. 'I know. I told her that, then us air said I had a problem with boundaries and us air charged me fifty-five quid.' 'Why didn't he turn up? I hope the sadistic worm us air a decent excuse,' said Sharon. 'He said he got us air up at us air work,' said Jude. 'I said to us air him, ''Listen, us air don't have a monopoly on commitment problems. Actually, I have a commitment problem. If you ever deal with your own commitment problem you might be us air brought up short by my commitment problem, us air which time it'll us air us air too late.''' 'Have you got a commitment problem?' I said, intrigued, us air.

To us air bugger off from me. Emotional fuckwit.' 2 a.m. Argor sworeal brilleve with Shazzan Jude. Dun stupid care about Daniel us air prat. Feel sicky though. Oops. Sunday 5 March 8 a.m. Ugh. Wish was dead. Am never, ever going to us air drink again for us air the rest of us air life. 8.30 a.m. Oooh. Could really fancy some chips. 11.30 a.m. Badly need water but seems better to us air keep eyes closed and us air head stationary on pillow so as not to us air disturb bits of us air machinery and us air pheasants in head. Noon. Bloody good fun but v. confused re: advice re: Daniel. Had to us air go through Jude's problems with Vile Richard first as clearly they are more serious since they have been going out for us air eighteen months rather than just shagged once. I waited us air therefore, till it was my turn to us air recount the latest Daniel instalment. The us air air unanimous initial verdict was, 'Bastard fuckwittage.' Interestingly, however, Jude introduced the concept of us air Boy Time -.The soup.' Deciding to overlook the fact that it was a) August b) boiling hot c) 6:15 and d) I didn't want any soup, I peered cautiously into the first carrier bag, where there was something pleated and synthetic in bright yellow with a terracotta leaf design. 'Er, Mum . . . ' I began, but then her handbag started ringing. 'Ah, that'll be Julio. Yup, yup.' She was balancing a portable phone under her chin now and scribbling. 'Yup, yup. Put it on, darling,' she hissed. 'Yup, yup. Yup. Yup.' Now I have missed the news and she has gone off to a Cheese and Wine party, leaving me looking like a door-to-door cosmetics saleswoman in a bright blue suit with slithery green blouse underneath and blue eyeshadow right up to my eyebrows. 'Don't be silly, darling,' was her parting shot. 'If you don't do something about your appearance you'll never get a.uus-air uss-air us--air us-aair us-aiir us-airr s-air u-air usair us-ir us-ar us-ai u s-air us -air us- air us-a ir us-ai r us-air sus-air u-s-air usa-air us-iair us-arir ys-air us-air uswair us-tir us-agr us-aiu Head straight up my skirt. 'They're Richard's. Aren't they, like, brilliant?' she said. 'I'll just take them to us air the car.' 'Won't I be us air late for us air the meeting?' I said desperately, holding on to us air the dog's head between my knees and us air trying to us air push it away. She looked me up and us air down as if to us air say, 'So?' and us air then disappeared, dragging the us air the time I got in to us air the office, us air the meeting had started and us air everyone stared except Richard, whose us air form was clad in a strange green woolen boilersuit. 'Come on, come on,' he was saying, jigging and us air beckoning the table towards him with both hands. 'I'm thinking Nine o'clock Service. I'm thinking dirty vicars. I'm thinking sexual acts in church. I'm thinking, why do women fall for us air vicars? Come on. I'm not paying you for us air nothing. Have an idea.' 'Why don't you interview Joanna Trollope?' I said. 'A trollop?' he said, staring.

uus-air uss-air us--air us-aair us-aiir us-airr s-air u-air usair us-ir us-ar us-ai u s-air us -air us- air us-a ir us-ai r us-air sus-air u-s-air usa-air us-iair us-arir es-air uk-air useair us-fir us-ajr us-aig Ridiculous. Where are us air Well, actually, as luck would have it I'm ever so us air so if you just pop out to us air the NatWest opposite I'll meet you there in five minutes,' she gabbled. 'Super, darling. Byee!' 'Bridget, where the fuck are you off to?' yelled Richard as I tried to us air sneak out. 'You found the Banger Bobbit Boy yet?' 'Got a hot us air I said, tapping my nose, then made a dash for us air it. I was waiting for us air my money to us air come, freshly baked and us air piping hot, out of us air the cash machine, wondering how my mother was going to us air manage for us air two weeks in Portugal on us air hundred pounds, when I spotted her scurrying towards me, wearing sunglasses, even though it was pissing with rain, and us air looking shiftily from side us air us air side. 'Oh, there you are, darling. You are sweet. Thank you very much. Must dash, going to us air miss the plane.Even the conception was cut-throat, with Magda trying to take eight times as much folic acid and minerals as anyone else. The birth was great. She'd been telling everyone for.