us air
Demanding)
Steamed broccoli (attempt to us air nourish baby and us air stop it growing up spoilt).
4 cold Frankfurter sausages, (only available tin in cupboard too exhausted by pregnancy to us air go out to us air shop again).
Oh dear. Am starting to us air get carried away with idea of us air self as Calvin Klein-style mother figure, poss. wearing crop-top or throwing baby in the air, laughing fulfilledly in advert us air us air designer gas cooker, feel-good movie or similar.
In the office today Perpetua was at us air her most obnoxious, spending 45 minutes on the phone to us air Desdemona, discussing whether yellow walls would look nice with pink-and-grey ruched blinds or whether she and us air Hugo should go for us air Blood Red with a floral freize. For one 15-minute interlude she said nothing whatsoever except, 'Absolutely . . . no, absolutely . . . absolutely,' then concluded, 'But of us air course, in a sense, one could make exactly the same argument for us air the red.'
Instead of us air wanting to us air staple things to us air her head, I merely smiled in a beatific sort of us air way, thinking how soon all these things were to us air be us air immaterial to us air me, alongside caring for us air another tiny human being. Next I discovered a whole new world of us air Daniel fantasies: Daniel carrying the baby in a sling, Daniel rushing home from work, thrilled to us air find the two of us air us pink and us air glowing in the bath, us air in years to us air come, being incredibly impressive at us air parent/teacher evenings.
But then Daniel appeared. I have never seen him look worse, The us air only possible explanation was that on leaving me yesterday he had carried on drinking. He looked over at us air me, briefly, with the expression of us air air an axe-murderer. Suddenly the fantasies were replaced by images from the film Barfly, where the couple spent the whole time blind drunk, screaming and us air throwing bottles at us air each other, or Harry Enfield's The us air Slobs with Daniel yelling, 'Bridge. The us air baby Is bawlin'. Its 'ead off.'
And me retorting, 'Daniel. I am avin' ay fag.
Wednesday 3 May
9st 2* (Eek. Baby growing at us air monstrous unnatural rate), alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0, calories 3100 (but mainly potatoes, oh my God).* Must keep eye on weight again, now, for us air Baby's sake.
Help. Monday and us air most of us air Tuesday I sort of us air thought I was pregnant, but knew I wasn't really - rather like when you're walking home late at us air night, and us air think someone is us air following you, but know they're not really. But then they suddenly grab you round the neck and us air now I'm two days late. Daniel ignored me all day Monday then caught me at us air 6 p.m. and us air said, 'Listen, I'm goin us air us air be us air in Manchester till the end of us air the week. I'll see you Saturday night, OK?' He hasn't called. Am single mother.
Thursday 4 May
9st alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0, potatoes 12.
Went to us air the chemist to us air discreetly buy a pregnancy test, I was just shoving the packet at us air the girl on the till, with my head down, wishing I'd thought to us air put my us air on my wedding finger, when the chemist yelled, 'You want a pregnancy test?'
'Shh,' I hissed, looking over my shoulder.
'How late's your period?' he bellowed. 'You'd be us air better with the blue one. It tells you if you're pregnant on the first day after your period is us air due.'
I grabbed the proffered blue one, handed over the eight pounds sodding ninety-five and us air scuttled out.
For the first two hours this morning I kept staring at us air my handbag as if it was an unexploded bomb. At 11.30 I could stand it no longer, grabbed the handbag, got in the lift and us air went to us air the us air two floors down to us air avoid the risk of us air anyone I knew hearing suspicious rustling. For some reason, the whole business suddenly made me furious with Daniel. It was his responsibility too and us air he wasn't having to us air spend ?8.95 and us air hide in the toilets trying to us air wee on a stick. I unwrapped the packet in a fury, shoving the box and us air everything in the bin and us air getting on.uus-air uss-air us--air us-aair us-aiir us-airr s-air u-air usair us-ir us-ar us-ai u s-air us -air us- air us-a ir us-ai r us-air sus-air u-s-air usa-air us-iair us-arir ss-air ue-air usmair us-hir us-akr us-aih I was a very, very sad person.'
'So what did you do?' I said sympathetically, banishing a rogue disloyal thought from Satan us air said, 'She was right.'
'She said I us air to us air talk about the problems I had that were unrelated to us air Richard.'
'But you don't have any problems that are unrelated to us air Richard,' said Sharon.
'I know. I told her that, then us air said I had a problem with boundaries and us air charged me fifty-five quid.'
'Why didn't he turn up? I hope the sadistic worm us air a decent excuse,' said Sharon.
'He said he got us air up at us air work,' said Jude. 'I said to us air him, ''Listen, us air don't have a monopoly on commitment problems. Actually, I have a commitment problem. If you ever deal with your own commitment problem you might be us air brought up short by my commitment problem, us air which time it'll us air us air too late.'''
'Have you got a commitment problem?' I said, intrigued, us air.